Reasonable People

I had a job interview yesterday.  One of the questions asked was "How would you handle a customer who insisted on something that you knew was wrong".  As a current manager in a retail establishment, it is not uncommon for a customer to insist that they purchased a product for less money in the recent past, so it was not a scenario that I had not encountered many times. My answer, however, was different than when asked the same question during previous interviews.

Generally, whenever I am confronted by a customer with a complaint, I attempt to diffuse the cause for concern by asking for the customer to share their issue as opposed to getting it second hand from an associate, as most frequently, problems are brought to the attention of someone at the register or on the sales floor rather than direct to me.

Along with this step, I attempt to direct the customer to an area out of earshot of other customers. Once the problem is reiterated, I ask for their name while introducing myself as well.  I feel that this approach addresses those customers who may be experiencing an increase in the level of their irritation because so many of us have attach a negative perception of business, especially big corporate business, while forgetting that the person fielding the complaint is a fellow human.  By personalizing the encounter, I have found that some of the anger is tempered.

But most importantly, I listen to and answer the customer with the assumption that they are a reasonable person looking for a reasonable answer.  Put another way, I assume that most people are nice.  Using this idea as the beginning of any conversation, especially one in which there is a hint of conflict, sets the tone so that however the discussion might end, it involves two reasonable people who are resolving a difference in perceptions.   No crossing of arms, no interruptions by one speaker over the other, no hint of haughtiness when the mistake is obvious.

Granted, this can be difficult if the customer is aggressive or abusive, but again, that is not usually the case.  In fact, sometimes it is the lack of personalizing the conversation that escalates the situation.
So often, anger is the result of a feeling of helplessness, or vulnerability.  A "You can't fight city hall" mentality.  This is especially true for those who have been taken advantage of or abused when they were vulnerable.  For some, the lessons of letting one's guard down, or assuming the best of their fellow men, have scarred them to the point that self preservation rules the day, and any hint of future helplessness produces anger and harsh emotions.

I often credit my years of hitchhiking across America as proof that most people are nice, most people are reasonable.  As a hitchhiker, you go no where unless a stranger decides to stop and offer assistance.  Perhaps I was fortunate enough not to have had any serious negative experience in that time, but I maintain it is more because, most people are nice, and that helping others is as integral to our DNA as any other motivation.

This premise, that most people are reasonable, seems to be a missing component of so much of the dialogue concerning the topics of the day.  Whether that dialogue centers around liberal vs conservative, left vs right, or Democrat vs Republican, and whether the topic includes race relations, health care insurance options, or the uncertainly surrounding Russia's involvement in our elections, the conversations invariably revert to name calling and vitriol; in summary the premise that the other side in not nice, not reasonable.

Of course, this is nothing new.  Presenting our enemies, or those with differing opinions, as not quite American, or not quite sane, has been with us for all of history.  Fortunately, within the nastiness of those debates, there has usually been a countering force which helps both sides realize that no deal, no common ground can be found, unless we can rely on each other to be reasonable.  Every contract that exists, from the simple marriage contract to a 145 nations treaty, is doomed to fail unless each and every party is reasonable.

In the end, it is this ability to disagree yet still respect each other that separates us from the animals. It is certainly not an easy path to take, but it is a critical aspect, one that will help ensure that our species continues its slow, bumpy, tumultuous path towards the spiritual enlightenment that has been detailed by Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, the Dalai Lama, etc.