The Conversations
Bob walked slowly through the restaurant, glancing side to side as he checked to see if his friend was already seated. Both knew the drill. First to arrive would request a table which did not have a view of any of the TV's scattered towards the front of the establishment as an acknowledgement to their shared penchant for glancing at whatever current sports event was showing. They valued these meetings, and the conversations in which they engaged, but also knew that sports could be a distraction.
Mark had not arrived. Bob chose the chair which would enable him to view the path Mark would take, asked for 2 waters, then gazed around the room once the server had left. As was their custom, their meeting time was planned to beat the dinner rush, and the added noise a crowded dining area would create. They also knew from past experience, that being separated by even a few dozen feet from those who gathered to more intently watch the bank of TV's, would enable discussion without raised voices.
Over the years, they had tried a few other places. Better restaurants which did not offer TV entertainment, yet generally cost a bit more than they liked to spend. But, as time passed, they discovered that watching people occasionally became part of the discussion, so a place with a wider variety of patrons was more in line with their purpose. Also, table turn rate was not as assiduously enforced at sports oriented restaurants, so if their "date", a term their wives often used, both derisively, and sometimes jealously, in conjunction with these get-togethers, ran 2 or 3 hours, they were rarely pushed to leave.
Bob knew Mark for far more years than he did not, a relationship that traversed young adulthood through their current status as soon-to-be senior citizens. While they did experience a gap in their communications about 15 years after their introduction, they also shared a host of important life changing events, from a trip to the Olympics in Montreal in 1976 after Bob's high school graduation to being each others' best man, with a host of innumerable events in between and afterward.
A few years back, they diverged from their normal routine and spent much of the evening recounting the highs, sometimes literally, of their relationship. The fact that it took much of the night to cover the best of the years was a testament to the strength and longevity of their friendship. But for the most part, these confabs were designed for conversation, with nothing held back, but also with the knowledge of utter secrecy, an understanding established in the infancy of their meetings.
The bro code. Bob smiled when he thought of the concept. Men, in general, did not share their lives the way women did. Bob did not doubt that his dear wife shared things with her gal pals that he did not know. He knew that women spent far more time cultivating and cementing their friendships with revelations about their emotions, their fears, their passions, their doubts. It was the rare woman who did not need the companionship of someone of their same gender, whereas many men could exist without sharing their lives with other men. Whether it was for fear of compromising the appearance of manliness, or the simple belief that in competition, vulnerability was a loss leader, men generally shared their emotions as one sees an iceberg, while women opened themselves to each other, and the world, at far more depth, as an iceberg extends far below the surface of the water.
In their case, in their particular version of the bro code, Bob and Mark shared like women share. Bob had stopped wondering long ago how many men would have benefited from a version of the bro code that focused far less on who was conquered in bed, and more on why men chase women, money and power, and how much true happiness one can find in those pursuits.
"Why are you smiling?" asked Mark. Bob had been so lost in thought that he hadn't seen Mark enter the restaurant. His smile widened as Mark sat across from him.
"Nothing in particular, and everything", replied Bob.
Mark was the more successful of the two, having pursued a business opportunity that proved very rewarding. He often paid for their sessions, not because he necessarily knew Bob was less capable, but because he could easily do so, and had learned long ago that sharing one's good fortune was the point of having resources. He had often allowed Bob to rant about the selfishness of the rich, because even though he was in far better financial shape that Bob, he understood that Bob's frustration was leveled against those for whom Mark proved to be the example that proved the rule.
In general, Bob and Mark planned the topic or topics of their evenings either at the end of the previous one, or in the week or so before the next one, especially when a personal, or world event occurred that should be addressed. It was not lost on them, these last few years, that their planned topics were often jettisoned these days in favor of the latest political or social crisis.
Today, for instance, they were planning to continue the discussion they had begun at their last meeting concerning the aggressive interest rate hike policy being implemented by the Federal Reserve to combat inflation, but Bob had decided yesterday to delve into the topic of money in sports, having been reminded again earlier in the week how sad it is that so much attention is paid to salary, while sportsmanship and respect among participants has declined.
"Did you see that article in Sportico about the 100 highest paid athletes in the world?" began Bob.
Mark smiled, took a sip of water from his glass, then settled comfortably in his chair. It was not unusual for Bob to begin their meetings in such a way, especially when he was about to launch into a topic of recent interest. His perception of the world was critical without being cynical, doubtful without being hopeless. Mark knew that there was an agenda behind Bob's opening question, and that it would go beyond the point of the article he was referencing.
"How is the family?" Mark responded.
Bob smiled, took a breath, then they both chuckled.
"Everyone is fine, how about yours?" Bob said.
After exchanging pleasantries about their wives and children, and ordering their usual fare from the menu, Mark returned them to the topic which Bob had broached upon his arrival.
"So, tell me about the article in Sportico that has you wound up today"?
As a sophomore in high school, Bob and two of his friends at the time, Chuck and John, had decided to attend the 1976 Olympics in Montreal, Canada. They researched how to buy tickets, picked out events they wished to see, then sent in their order form and the money. Eventually, their tickets arrived in the mail, but unfortunately, Chuck had to bow out of the adventure. At this point, John brought in Mark to take his place. As time progressed towards the day the three young friends would leave for Montreal, the friendship between Bob and Mark grew immensely, while John slowly drifted to the periphery of the triad.
"The article listed the top 100 highest paid athletes, salary and endorsements for last year" began Bob. "Guess how much they earned between them?"
Mark was all too familiar with this approach, knew the total amount was only the tip of the point rattling around in Bob's head. But Mark liked numbers, was good with numbers, so he thought about it for a few seconds.
"Well, I would imagine that $100 million total compensation for some at the top would not be unreasonable, down to about $25 million for those at the bottom, so assuming about $40 million average times 100, my guess would be about $4 billion".
Mark smiled when he saw Bob's face droop a bit in disappointment, knowing that he must have been pretty close, but Bob quickly gained his composure.
"Just a bit under $4.5 billion actually, good guess. And I suppose you also know how many entire countries had a GDP of that amount or less"?
Mark didn't have a good reference for this question, but figured it was more than a couple or Bob wouldn't be asking.
"Maybe 12, or 15?" he guessed.
Bob's face brightened.
"According to estimates by the International Monetary Fund, 47 countries had GDP less than those 100 individuals".
Both Bob and Mark enjoyed sports. Bob was an avid consumer of all the popular US sports, while Mark had played soccer in high school and college. Like most young men of their generation, they grew up playing sports in their schoolyards and neighborhoods, traded stories of their favorite athletes, and engaged in Monday morning quarterbacking when their home teams fell short. One of the highlights of their Olympic trip was the bronze medal game for soccer. Mark's love of soccer, which continued into adulthood via men's leagues, and trips to see the World Cup a number of times, also led Bob to see soccer matches in 1984 when he was fortunate enough to attend the Olympics in Los Angeles that year.
"Do you remember what year professionals were first allowed to compete in the Olympics?" asked Bob.
This was not the tack Mark expected next after the GDP question. He used the few moments during which their food was served to think about the question while also trying to deduce Bob's direction.
"Perhaps in the eighties or nineties?"
Bob nodded, not because he knew the exact answer but because he did know that it was after their mutual Olympic adventure and his 1984 trip.
"I remember, particularly for the popular sports like basketball and hockey, how upset fans and certain sports commentators were in those days, before professionals were allowed to participate, at how the United States would be beaten in sports where we knew we had the best athletes but were unable to send them. Now, in retrospect, I wonder if all that turmoil, all that angst, which was clearly motivation for the change to allow professionals in the Olympics, was a good thing."
"When we went in 1976, the athletes were amateurs, competing for pride and country. Yeah, sure, some knew there might be a payday some day, or endorsements that come with a medal, but most of them, the vast majority of them, knew it was about the competition and a once in a lifetime chance to represent their country. It was about pride in one's performance, but also a chance to gauge oneself against athletes from other countries who faced the same challenges, the same grueling routine of 5 AM training sessions before school or work. And then, whether first or twentieth, the camaraderie of sharing the results with fellow participants from places all over the globe, different cultures, different beliefs, different foods and music, but all happy to experience those differences in a shared event."
Mark was used to these soliloquies from Bob, but never tired of his sincerity. He was opinionated, sometimes aggressively so, but rarely self righteous, or gratuitous. While his beliefs may evolve, even on occasion be altered in a 180 degree fashion, he believed what he said and said what he believed with only cursory regard to trends or popularity.
"I concur that there is too much money in sports, too much emphasis on who is highest paid, too little reminders of the importance of sportsmanship and of learning how to win as a team, but isn't the genie already out of that bottle? Do you think there is a way to reverse the trend?"
"Well, you know how I feel about excessive salaries and income inequality", began Bob. "If I were king, I would limit salaries so that CEO's made no more than 100 times the salary of their lowest paid employee, athletes no more than 100 times the salary of the people who sling drinks and dogs at the games, entertainers no more than 100 times the salary of those holding the camera, applying the make-up or creating the sets. Remember, it wasn't that long ago that top salaries were no more than 30 times the average salary, so 100 times is still much more than that, just far less than the 300 and 400 times we see today."
"But you are not, will never be king", said Mark. "And we both know that there is no chance that any type of salary reduction or restriction law will be passed anytime soon. So how do we get to a place where those at the top are well paid, rewarded for their outstanding accomplishments or leadership or innovation, but not so much that the everyday workers who help achieve the end results do not struggle to put food on the table, pay the rent, and provide for their families, let alone create the opportunity for their children to accomplish more than their parents?"
"It will take an awakening," began Bob. "A sea change in our culture that recognizes that how one becomes wealthy is more important than attaining great wealth, that the greatest economies are those built from the bottom up, and that money and resources should be shared, not hoarded."
"A spiritual awakening?" teased Mark.
Neither of the friends were church-goers, nor had they raised their children with an affiliation with any mainstream religion. But spirituality was an altogether different subject, one which they often strayed into regardless of the topic.
"Sure, we can call it that," Bob quickly responded before he caught the nature of Mark's response. "When I hear anyone from our generation, or older, complaining about 'today's kids', I recoil, but I do think our entire culture, top to bottom, needs to examine its seeming turn to more and more selfish behavior. Frankly, rather than proclaiming that kids don't want to work, or expect everything be given to them, it might be better for us boomers to admit that we are as spoiled a generation as any in history. We were given it all after WW2, and have wasted it on self destructive habits and vapid possessions."
As if on cue, they glanced around the restaurant to see a bank of TV's with various sports events and sports talk shows in progress, being watched by patrons wearing home team jerseys, drinking $8 beers and snacking on $12 appetizers.
"Well, it is Friday night, and people deserve a night of mindlessness, here and there, right?" said Mark, with little conviction.
"It is not the occasionalism, if that is a word," began Bob, "but the fact that it can represent the goal of their work week, to be here, to watch someone else play a game, to cheer and groan, then replay it ad nauseam in the next few days until the next game. Or the next reality show, or contrived contest, or whatever one's particular poison."
A silence followed this comment, both men focused on their meal, while reflecting on all the times in their own past when time, and life, was taken for granted. Youth is wasted on the young was not just applicable to the boomers or millennials or any other generation before or since. It is the lament, the jealous lament, of all people or groups of people as they grapple with advancing age, and the inevitable ending of life.
"Dessert?" asked Bob.
"Well, considering that we barely scratched the relationship between your Sportico article and the GDP of 47 nations, and how we can solve the income inequality problem, I think dessert is a given", responded Mark.
They smiled. They both knew that discussion, and specifically, these discussions in which they had engaged over the years, would continue to undertake in the future, was their mutual diversion, a pleasure that would never solve any social ill. Was their version of time coasting any better than drinking a beer at a local watering hole while watching football?
While eating dessert, Bob and Mark compared schedules towards arranging their next meeting. It would be a while, with holidays on the horizon, although they would certainly see each other in other settings, with their wives and/or other friends. They tentatively chose a Friday, 4 months away.
A sudden cheer permeated the restaurant, the home team having scored a pivotal touchdown.
"By the way, what was your planned conversational direction relating to the 100 highest paid athletes and that GDP fact?" asked Mark.
"Well, you know me", started Bob. "Obviously, I thought it obscene that there are 100 rich athletes, mostly men by the way, which is another issue, who make more money than the GDP of 47 countries which encompass hundreds of millions of people. But this simple fact, which I imagine would not surprise most Americans illustrates two critical things."
"First, most Americans think this reflects how it should be using phrases like manifest destiny or God favored, which is fine, if we were to then act to try to help those people who through no fault of their own, were born in those countries (which by the way, means we are fortunate, through no merit of our own, to have been born here). But instead, we do the opposite, claiming ownership of this result of the birth lottery, as if we made our births happen here, or somehow earned those births because we are favored by the creator."
"But worse, we take the next step by assuming we deserve this advantage, and then more insidiously, assume they deserve their disadvantage. And so, when people of these countries, leave their lives behind and travel, sometimes despite the potential of death, certainly with no guarantee that the risk will be worth it, instead of figuring out ways to assist them, in their country, or here, we demonize them, call them rapists and criminals, actually spending more money to keep them out than it would cost to assist them. All the while, claiming to be a Christian nation."
"People are innately xenophobic", answered Mark. "It takes effort to welcome 'the others' even when your own grandparents and even parents were the scorned "others" in the recent past. But look at the progress that has been made. It wasn't that long ago that white men openly firebombed black churches to demonstrate their resistance to civil rights. And, or course, we have had an African American elected twice, by large majorities to be President."
"That is pretty amazing, considering that Congress didn't even have all that many women, despite the fact that they represent half the population, until the very recent past. Almost one of every three women who ever served in Congress is serving right now."
"Also, I remember reading that this outgoing Congress has over 50 Hispanic representatives, and I bet there are more this time. Again, the number serving this very minute is a significant percentage of the total who have served in history."
"Not to mention that about a dozen openly LBGTQ+ people were elected, or were already seated in Congress for the upcoming session. In other words, while 'firsts' still occur, like the first black woman US Supreme Court Justice appointed just last year, they are becoming fewer. Americans, particularly American white men, are becoming more used to, more accepting of the fact that anyone, regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, country of birth even, can run for office, and, if elected, share in the governing of our country."
"We are impatient for the progress, for the continued reduction of prejudice and discrimination, and we should be. It is only through persistence that America can truly earn its moniker of home of the free. Acknowledging the accomplishments while still striving towards the goal is always a difficult balance."
The friends left each other with this thought, and an embrace.
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