Winning At All Costs

One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.  A quote from Iris Murdoch

I have mentioned before that we tend to consider the times of our lives, the years between our birth and death, but most specifically those years when we are most conscious of the significance of events which surround us, as the most important years in history.  Our egos insist on it.  I imagine there has been a  multitude of conversations about the historical nature of "today", whether those various debates occurred among Greeks unaware they lived at the beginning of the years we know as AD, peasants of the 9th century, tradesman of the 16th century, or World War 2 veterans who escaped death in Europe or the Pacific. 

One might even argue that anyone born in the first 2 decades of the 20th century, and who survived for most of that century, was witness to the most diverse and dramatic changes which have occurred in human history.  Should similarly seismic advances in technology, communication and travel occur in the next 70 years, how unrecognizable everyday life will be for those who walk the planet in 2095 as compared to today.

What draws me to Lapham's Quarterly, is that the topics explored, as often reflect the similarity of perception over the ages as the differences, despite the profound alterations of how life is conducted via technology, etc.

I began thinking about this post intent on discussing how winning at all costs seems to have infected the thinking of our culture, but perhaps that in itself is just another reflection of how we believe we live in the most (fill in the blank) time in history.

If continuous small treats can produce a happy life, then perhaps winning at all costs is one method of accomplishing that result, as long as we always look forward to the next "win" and not reflect on the cost of any particular win, such as winning by cheating.  As flawed humans, we have all cheated at times, perhaps to gain a better grade, a better job, a better sexual experience.  For some, this kind of shortcut to happiness eventually reveals itself as a mirage, producing less satisfying results over time.  For those who never learn this lesson, more intense experiences are required, sometimes producing the kind of addictive behavior which we see manifested in our opioid crisis, our polarized politics, our seemingly endless dissatisfaction with what we have which leads us to crave things we don't need. 

I have often heard people deride "participation" trophies as an indicator that we are getting soft, that we need constant reassurance and reward.  If only winning matters, then trophies for 2nd, 3rd, even last, seem ridiculous.  But what if competing, improving your skills, learning to function as a member of a team, and understanding that cooperation is the best formula for success is what playing is all about?  Then perhaps participation trophies aren't rewarding mediocrity, but are rewarding and recognizing the importance of the intangible lessons of team activities.  After all, the vast majority of our children who join local teams, will never be paid professionals, but will all (hopefully) contribute to society as parents, employees, coworkers, and perhaps even fellow volunteers, if they have truly learned the lessons of teamwork.

I have not read any of Iris Murdoch's works.  I know she was a British novelist and philosopher, born in Ireland, educated in England.  (Oddly, and I did not know this until I researched her a bit), Murdoch was influenced by Simone Weil, someone whose works I have commented upon in past posts.  I would like to think that Murdoch would not have recommended constant winning as a source of continuous small treats, but might have touted a rearrangement of one's perception of the definition of small treats.

When I was hitchhiking in my youth, I used food as a source of small treats/rewards, setting my goal for each day's travels, then eating a small meal once I had arrived at that location.  I still use food as a small treat, sometimes even a simple egg sandwich on the way to work.  Of course, the best small treats are those that do not require money. 

The silvery look of the tree branches after the first overnight snow.

The sun dipping just over the horizon, especially over water, and the colors of the sky which it leaves behind.

A lonely white cloud in an endless sky of blue.

A puppy bounding to the door when you arrive home.

The look of virtually any young child when you smile or wave at them.

A walk on a tree lined path, and the feeling of sun on your face when you emerge from its shade, then the coolness of the shade when you return to its protection from the glaring heat of the day.

Singing in the car, at full throat, as you drive, and seeing others do the same, especially when they stop in mid-song when they notice you hear them.

Winning at all costs is not just about the basketball player who looks to the sky every time he is called for a foul, but complains bitterly after every shot, claiming he has been fouled.  It is not just about aligning your self with the politician who will make sure your bank account grows, even though that growth hurts those not in agreement, or who look, worship, or love differently from you.  And it is not just about seeking dirt on your political opponent from foreign agents. 

Winning at all costs is a mindset that subordinates everything else to achieve a result, regardless of consequences to anyone who might stand in your way, or become a victim as a result of your success.

And, with its cousin, "winning isn't everything, it is the only thing", they combine to create a society in which the strong are allowed to take advantage of the weak, the powerful are allowed to pervert the rule of law, and the advantaged are allowed to take even more from the less advantaged, even while they equate their fortune as divinely blessed while those with less must be less deserving, even less loved by the Creator.

And then there are those who claim victory even when they have lost, so tenuous is their grip on their self worth and self esteem. 

My advice.  Seek small treats, especially those that do not require money, and lose every once in a while, graciously.