Post-coital naps

Many years ago, I had a professor in a Creative Writing class at a local Community College who spent one of our sessions discussing writing about "dirty laundry".  When I first began my blog, I was talking to a friend of mine who suggested I use more inflammatory titles and language in my posts.  In both cases, I was exposed to the idea that to get a reader's attention, one must grab it from the outset, and that posts with provocative titles, or with extreme opinions are more likely to accomplish that goal.

Clearly, the popularity of tell all biographies, scandalous exposes, far right or left ideologies, and even inflammatory tweets, provides proof that this approach will certainly attract attention.  Perhaps it is the one true belief that drives our president, even when he seems to flip from one perspective to another.  Regardless of the topic, give them outlandish quotes, IN ALL CAPS IF NECESSARY.

So, when the phrase post-coital naps entered my brain two days ago, I thought, what a nice post title.  Get their attention, then hit them with the real topic.  But, silly me, I began to think about the topic from the perspective that it is a real thing, to want or need a quick nap after sex, and did a bit of research on the subject, only to find much more data than I bargained for.

First, while some may consider a post coital nap indicative of a typical male who gets want he wants then does the next best selfish thing, the fact is that there a number of physiological and emotional factors that contribute to the desire for a nap. 

First, of course, if done properly, both partners should seem a bit shagged out.  So, men, before closing your eyes, you might want to check on the alertness of your female friend.  If she is wide awake, it could mean you have some work to do. 

Also, many couples have sex in the evening, so falling asleep after love-making seems like the most logical activity.  When my wife occasionally laments that she is having trouble falling asleep, I have often suggested sex.  Perhaps I should lose the wolfish grin when I broach the idea, but seriously, I am just thinking of her!  Still, considering the increase in people experiencing insomnia and turning to sleepy teas, background music and nature sounds, droning political commentary shows, and the endless variety of prescription sleep aids, just once I would like to see a commercial for sex as a sleep aid on TV, the first scene with the wife sitting up in bed with her book, a clock displaying 2:13 in the background, then the second scene showing two sound asleep, smiling adults, 2:42 on the clock.  (Or 3:13, if your are lucky!).

Regardless of the situation, the body produces a host of chemicals in response to the sex act, oxytocin among them.  Additionally, vasopressin, prolactin, serotonin, nitric oxide and endorphins also come flooding into your blood stream from the brain.  In some cases, orgasm is needed to fully release these neurochemicals, and in the case of prolactin, it is the main culprit which produces the refractory period for men, which, despite what you might see in some movies, creates a time frame wherein the majority of men cannot achieve an erection.  So, assuming the man achieved orgasm, and the woman came a bit short, it may explain why he is already sleeping, and she is reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Even more noteworthy, is that sex between two people who trust each other, who are comfortable with each other, and able to be vulnerable with each other, may also contribute to sleepiness, as a result of being emotionally spent.  Giving your all, emotionally, can be even more tiring than all out physical exertion; just ask any stay at home mother of 2 or 3 young children. 

The stereotypical reaction of a partner who was looking for sex only, who afterwards uses any excuse to leave the bedroom, demonstrates a partner with zero emotional attachment.  The sad thing is that he (well, usually it is the he) leaves as silently as possible, perhaps helping the female gain sleepiness through orgasm, but not through any sort of emotional bond.  While there may certainly be examples of when a one night stand leads to something more tangible, it is most likely the antithesis of the post-coital nap.

Perhaps then, the post-coital nap does not deserve its negative reputation.  Sure, it can be used by the selfish among us to avoid extending intimacy.  But when the post-coital nap is the result of two people giving their all, physically and emotionally, in an effort to give and receive pleasure to someone they care deeply about, in a fashion that includes an accepted vulnerability, trust and comfort in each other, then it should be the GOAL of every sex act, making a baby a distant second. 

So, here's to the post-coital nap.  I wish all my readers a plethora of them in the coming year!