The Conversations, Part 4

                                        The Conversations

"Miss, check please," said Bob.

Bob and Mark were at the end of another interesting dinner during which they discussed a book that Mark had given Bob for the past holiday, as well as the status of the woke, and anti-woke movements.

The friends had altered their pattern for this meeting, choosing a different restaurant than in the past. The change was a result of a business engagement that Mark had not anticipated, so that rather than change the date of their dinner, they chose a place closer to both Bob's residence and the site of Mark's meeting.

"I read that book you sent me," began Bob, as they settled into their chairs after placing their orders. "If you recall, it was broken into ten parts, the introduction, then nine sections detailing a specific woman's battle for justice."

"Yes," said Mark. "While it was a bit ago that I read it, I remember the format."

The book the men were referring to was Lady Justice, by Dahlia Lithwick, in which Lithwick reviewed the efforts by women who had worked, often in obscurity, through legal means to ensure equal justice for all.  

"It is certainly interesting to realize how important those women were, and probably still are, yet so often overlooked by the media," said Bob. "I know you have evolved to a belief that we should hand over the reins of power to women, so to speak. After reading this book, I can see your point, although, at this time in history, I would be content for women to band together at the ballot box and only vote for candidates that allow women to control their reproductive lives, and for families and their doctors to decide how, when and why to use abortion services as part of their health profile."

"I think it is hard not to believe," replied Mark, "that if men were able to bear children, they would make damn sure their rights were protected, in fact, more likely, abortion would have already been recast as in terms that didn't even mention the existence of a fetus. If men had babies, we also wouldn't have one of the worst maternal death rates of the western, modern nations. Men's lives would be far more protected, and their health in carrying the future of our country far more protected and guarded."

"But this book was about far more than abortion rights," continued Mark. "From civil rights to gender equality to voting rights, the contributions of the women profiled by Lithwick are amazing. I know we fell victim to an assumption that Hillary would win in 2016, and it is clear by how the previous administration operated, that her victory would have eliminated all kinds of angst that is prevalent today, but perhaps as soon as 2028, a women might be in the White House so that the pendulum which has drifted towards treating women as second class citizens, and emboldened the white nationalists movement, will be squashed."

As Mark finished speaking, their meal arrived. After a short interval in which they focused on eating, and to update each other on family events, Bob toggled the discussion back to woke and anti-woke.

"I know politicians and political pundits are always floating ideas and concepts that will distinguish themselves from the pack, and in the process gain them power and influence, but it continues to amaze me how basing a political agenda on denying historical facts can be anything but short sighted. Obviously, there is an ongoing strategy of presenting history in a way that upholds the idea of American exceptionalism and some sort of attachment to morality and God, I mean education has always been a force to mold children to reflect the status quo and nationalism. But why would we want our future citizens and leaders not be able to hold two thoughts in their head at once, that the founders fashioned amazing documents as guidelines to a more free country, while still existing in a time when only privileged white men voted, and women were still considered an extension of their husband, at best, not to mention the fact that most of the signers of the "all men are created equal" declaration owned slaves?"

Mark smiled. 

"Aren't you answering your own question, Bob? Keeping the masses less informed, less literate in the facts, allows our leaders to manipulate them, to gaslight them, to use a popular phrase. Why do you think that all tyrants and despots make it a point to attack, even imprison the intelligentsia. What strikes me is that so many of the populist leaders are the definition of elite, Ivy League educated, and or inheritors of great wealth, yet they are able to convince enough voters that they care a whit about them, all the while passing laws which hold them less accountable while increasing their economic and political advantages."

"Teaching critical thinking should be the foundation of education, once the basics are covered. As with all movements, there is certainly a grain of truth that some educators and educational settings may, at times, go too far by forgetting the positive, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. When students boo a speaker at a university because he or she espouses different beliefs, they are as guilty of close mindedness as those who would never allow a speaker with a controversial topic to lecture in the first place. If we are to accept that for those against abortion, we should recommend they not have one, then it is also true that for those who disagree with a speaker's opinions, should not attend, or, at least engage in back and forth questions and answers."

"But what about hate speech?" asked Bob.

"A good speaker can make their point without resorting to inciting violence or expressing their beliefs with words laden with hate," responded Mark. "Commenting on the problems we have at our southern border with facts related to the horrible conditions of shelters on both sides of the border, or facts related to the cost of maintaining a secure border, and perhaps even with facts about the increase of crime in border towns, can be communicated without saying that all Mexicans are rapists and murderers. A more serious debate would touch on why so many people from Mexico and Central America and points beyond are travelling to America. Instead of demonizing them, discussion that equate today's immigrants, their problems and obstacles, with those who came to America in the early 20th century, the ancestors of some who are the most aggressive in their rhetoric, might lead to rational answers."

"I hear you," said Bob, "but fear is a pretty powerful tool for someone who prefers blame over solutions. Where difficult problems can require multi-leveled answers, as well as compromises from each side, the everyday citizen who is struggling to put food on the table, is worried about affording their children's education and their own retirement, often seek the quick fix, and telling them that all their problems will be solved if only we close our borders and make drag shows illegal, provides that result."

"I mean," continued Bob, "there are literally millions of Americans who support more guns in schools, even in the hands of teachers who they think are indoctrinating their kids, but are outraged at the idea of someone in drag reading to their kid. As if Bugs Bunny never wore a dress, or Tony Curtis in 'Some Like it Hot', or Tom Hanks in the sitcom 'Bosom Buddies' or every single Shakespearean actor for hundreds of years who had to dress as a woman because women were not allowed to act."

"What I want to know is, when did white men become such babies"? asked Bob. "For pretty much all of history, that demographic has been handed everything, just by virtue of birth. Women couldn't even vote for the first 150 years or so of our country's existence, and there were major obstacles for black folks, especially in the south, for another 40 years after that. But now, a little affirmative action, a little recognition that white men don't have the market cornered on smarts or ambition or business acumen, and many have their knickers in a twist about how they are being replaced, or held back. The fact that white men make up a far higher percentage in relation to overall population in the area of Senators, Governors, CEO's, millionaires, etc, etc, and that the overall unemployment rate for white men is still lower than any other demographic tells you all you need to know. Babies!"

"Being a white man, I feel just as disappointed in my fellow men," continued Bob, "as I am in the baby boomers of which I include myself. We were presented the world on a silver platter, and, are throwing it away for material possessions, and transitory ones at that."

"To be honest, I have encountered some examples of racial  discrimination in my business dealings," replied Mark. "Well, perhaps discrimination is too harsh, but certainly I felt that some decisions were made to favor my competition, not because their proposal was superior, but because a quota needed to be maintained. Of course, I can also acknowledge that none of those situations put me out of business, I am still successful, while some of those who were given advantage, had nothing else to fall back on. So, it is a fine line we need to walk, to make sure that in the name of equal access, we don't shortchange the public through faulty workmanship or products. But to completely dismiss the facts that generational wealth has disproportionately harmed minorities denies reality. You can argue about how to provide for equal access but not that it shouldn't be provided."

Bob nodded his head as Mark finished this remark, partly in agreement, partly out of respect for Mark, in that Bob knew that lesser men than Mark use such an acknowledgement to justify their rants about reverse discrimination, while Mark was adult enough, man enough you might say, to understand why, and to accept this sacrifice towards a more equitable world.

"That sounds pretty woke of you," said Bob with a big smile. 

Both men laughed.

"I always thought that helping others was the Christian thing to do," said Mark, at which both men laughed again.

"You are referring to the belief that being woke, recognizing that there is inequality, and working to bridge the gap between those who have opportunity and those who are denied it, is based on the teachings of Jesus," said Bob.

"Kind of makes the anti-woke movement, not only unchristian, but not very patriotic, if you assume that patriotism is about striving to accomplish the goal of "all men are created equal."

"Even more so, reminds me of the fundamentalists in the Muslim religion who promote homophobic notions, and aren't the most female friendly of groups. Seems odd that the very people that some Americans consider religious zealots and freedom despising, hold similar beliefs about the LGBTQ community as those they dislike, and are supportive of laws that strip women of equal rights. I guess it is hard to look in a mirror, especially when that reflection is more than skin deep."

"Still, as I have said before, I don't see the long term benefits of such a strategy," concluded Bob. "There are very few families who don't have a gay member, and women make up more than 50% of the population, so how is continually telling both groups they are less equal, and passing laws that institutionalize that bias, good for winning a majority of voters?"

"I see your point, despite my reaction earlier," said Mark. "There is a simple strength in teaching prejudice and hate, but I agree that in the long run, those who encourage love and compassion win out. Love can and should be shared with all, and, while hate usually focuses on those somebody labels the 'others', that label that can be directed at any subset of people, perhaps, someday, even those who look like you. When the message of love penetrates enough people for them to realize no one is immune to being hated, then all battles against hate are battles for everyone."

"Most likely everyone has heard that 'no one is free until everyone is free'," began Bob, "but it would surprise me if even 5% of the people who know the quote know who coined it." 

https://www.jacksonfreepress.com/news/2011/apr/15/fannie-lou-hamer/ 

Having settled their bill, the men rose to leave the table. They walked through the restaurant together, still chatting, but about less serious topics. Outside, they realized they were parked in opposite directions of the entrance.

"I saw a sign on a neighbor's yard recently," began Bob, "that said something like 'evil prevails when the good do nothing'. I am not sure what that person is referring to as evil, but considering that yard was replete with signs promoting the former president, and the GOP candidate for governor who claimed that as governor he could decide what votes to count, I imagine that person believes that 'wokeness' is ruining America, and consequently, that good people need to speak out. Now, I don't personally know this neighbor, and perhaps that reflects poorly on me for not reaching out. But I will assume he is a good man, loves his family, goes to church, loves America. How do we get through to good people like that who have been misled by rhetoric that dehumanizes other people, other Americans, to the point that they truly believe that it is right to discriminate against them, to deny them the promise of freedom and the pursuit of happiness?"

Mark did not answer at first. Partly because he knew some form of answer might not be communicable in a parking lot. But also because he knew there was no conclusive answer because American freedom, being as complex and even contradictory as it was, meant that one man's good was another man's evil, and vice-a-versa, and that it was precisely that contradiction that made true freedom so difficult and elusive.

"I don't know the answer to that question, can't really imagine that there is one. There will always be people with opinions that differ from what you or I think makes sense, what you or I think is right or moral. When more people think that particular version of good and evil is less appropriate than what we think, perhaps that is all we can hope for. And, more importantly, that the minority opinion, no matter how vile we consider it, does not become the rule of the day. If we are to believe that our species is evolving for the better, spiritually, then we have to hope that the majority will truly realize that no one is free until all are free, and that will become the standard for behavior, despite the fact that there will continue to be those that have not reached that level of understanding."

With that, the friends shook hands and turned to walk to their waiting cars.

-------------------------

This is the fourth installment of The Conversations. To read (or review) and of the first three, I have provided links below.

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2023/02/the-conversations-part-3.html

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-conversations-part-2.html

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-conversations-part-1.html

Everything, Everywhere...

Nora and I went to see Everything, Everywhere, All At Once a few days ago. For those who have not seen the movie, but are planning to see it in the near future, I would recommend that you not read the rest of this post, as I feel it is important not to have any preconceived ideas about the film before you see it.

For the rest of you, Everything... was entertaining on a number of fronts. It is surprising in its plot twists, challenging to follow at times, touching in its ultimate message, and relevant. 

Before continuing, I checked a few of my past posts about family and am providing a link to three of them.

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2019/07/7-cakes-in-7-days.html  

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2013/06/for-rachel.html

https://wurdsfromtheburbs.blogspot.com/2011/09/parentsparenting.html

In some ways, Everything, Everywhere.. is a simple story about a woman's relationships with her daughter, her husband, her father, herself. Simple in that we all think about, agonize over, try to make better all our own relationships, so the story is very relateable from that perspective. However, the presentation of this simple concept was very unorthodox, even complicated as the story involves all the different versions, or worlds, in which we all might have lived had we made different choices at various times in our lives.

In the case of the lead character, Evelyn, she gradually comes to understand that even in those lives where she was more famous, or wealthy, or successful, it is the relationships she formed that was most important. That being happy had far less to do with fame and money, than having people with whom you can share your life, the ups as well as the downs.

There is one particular scene in which, while still thinking that she (and her husband) would have been better off had they not met, fallen in love, and ran off together, Evelyn actually tells her husband (in a different life path where they are not married) that it was best that they didn't run away together, because, see how successful they both are now in this alternate life. But the man not her husband in that version responds that he would have been happy running a laundromat and cutting coupons with her, more so than he is now, despite being more successful in this life, without her.

Another interesting story line is that her husband (from an alternate life) has come to her present life to save the entire multiverse from extinction (so, yes, there are two active personalities for the same man, which toggle off and on). As it turns out, the 'evil' entity that is trying to end all the versions of life, is trapped in Evelyn's daughter, and the 'other' husband along with all the people from that particular universe, believe they must destroy Evelyn's daughter, aptly named Joy.  And, they believe that they need the 'right' version of Evelyn to do so, hence they have been travelling from one universe to another seeking that version.

But as the film progresses we realize that Joy is also seeking this exact Evelyn, not to destroy her, but to convince her that nothing matters, and that it is better not to feel, not to care, not to love. There is an entertaining scene in which both Evelyn and Joy are rocks, and isn't this nice, a pretty vista, but no pain. There is also a big bagel used to reference such a place, where one can avoid being hurt simply by not being vulnerable to hurt, i.e, not being alive, but that is too hard to explain in such a short post as this, so, again, I encourage you to see the movie and stop reading.

While happy endings can be cliche, certainly overused, and not always fulfilling, there is a happy ending in this movie, even in the world where everyone has hot dogs for fingers. (Sorry, not a reference you can possibly understand without seeing the film.)

Evelyn defeats the evil in Joy, not by fighting, but through love. While perhaps, a stretch, it is the same force, love, that enables parents to survive the teen years of their children, and which when employed properly, leads to children and parents rekindling their love and their relationships when the teens become young adults in their twenties and thirties.

I have commented more than once in other posts about the research that has been done to determine what truly brings happiness. While there is certainly a monetary component as it can be difficult to be happy when hungry, without a home, and lacking the basic creature comforts that we seek, there is generally a ceiling on how much money, how many possessions, one needs beyond those basic needs. In general, the research shows that once people earn enough to be comfortable, having more money or possessions does not add significantly to one's happiness level. Put another way, billionaires and no more happy than millionaires, and millionaires no more happy than those earning over $150,000. 

Money can certainly buy temporary happiness, but you need the love that only a partner, or children, or family or close friends provide to find long term happiness.

From that respect, Everything, Everywhere... delivers the same message as all the great movies, especially holiday movies like "Its a Wonderful Life" and "A Christmas Carol", deliver. The sad part is that despite the obvious lessons that we all cry over and nod our heads in agreement, and perhaps even resolve to pursue more assiduously every January first, far too much of our culture revolves around gaining fame and fortune, and too often in the quest to gain those transitory prizes, we kill just a little more of our humanity in the process.

And make that hole in the bagel that much bigger. 

 

The Old Man and The Tree

                                              The Old Man and The Tree        

It was not known how long the old man had sat under the tree, only that for many generations, families of the village had sought wisdom from him. He would be there, sitting cross legged below the ever growing branches of the tree, when the earliest of risers went from their homes to tend their fields, and was still there, when the night owls among them retired for sleep.

Some said he was not real, despite the fact that he responded to questions when asked. They said that he was never seen eating or drinking, sleeping, or even standing, yet most of those very same people still sought his words, sometimes secretly in the very earliest of hours or latest of nights, sometimes openly with a sardonic smile, yet attentive.

No one knew his name although there was rampant speculation. A foreigner, a scion of an ancient and long gone local family, a person not of this world. 

As the village was isolated, there were few visitors, but when occasion did present someone from another town, they invariably added to the mystery by offering their own opinions. Some claimed a similar old man resided under a tree in their village or a village they had once visited in their travels. Others simply scoffed at the notion that the old man had sat cross legged under the tree for as long as the native villagers claimed.

Despite the doubts that these visitors presented, those in the village continued to seek wisdom from the old man as his words had served the village well over the years. His knowledge of farming, animals, plants, nature, the weather, seemingly every aspect of life in the village, had resulted in a life that, while still requiring hard work, still included occasional lean times, was one of prosperity and health. His direction provided ample food on the table, limited long term or widespread sickness, strong bonds among families and between neighbors.

One day, a day just like all the days that had come before, the old man was gone. His absence struck them hard, with a visceral force that had no equal in the village's history. At first, there was a kind of fugue state which permeated the village. They had become so dependent on the old man's guidance, it was as if they had not listened, only followed. Many men tried to fill the void, attempted to counsel those in need, but the result was more a cacophony of words than instruction.

Try as they might, the village could not come together, could not find consensus when problems arose. They were a rudderless ship, floating upon the waters of life.

Then one day, a few of the farmers of the village noticed someone under the tree. They excitedly ran to its base, eager to greet the old man whom they assumed had returned to them. But as they neared it, they realized it wasn't the old man, in fact it wasn't a man at all. There, sitting cross-legged under the tree was a woman.

As word spread that a woman was now sitting under the tree, there was a myriad of reactions. The children who had rarely asked the old man for advice but who had often played their games within view of his repose, resumed this tradition without pause as if their nature enabled them to identify safety and peace without the distractions of ego or bias.

The women, who had long understood the reality that placed them in a secondary position of power, also were cognizant of the indispensable nature of their place in the village. They did all the cooking, much of the harvesting, and most of the care-giving and child raising; in essence, the bulk of the day to day existence of the village depended on their efforts. For them, a woman under the tree was a long sought but secret desire, so most were quick to seek advice just as they had before when it was a man.

The men, not all, but most, struggled with the idea of a woman under the tree. They knew that what they had tried, how much chaos had existed since the old man had left, was not desired, but the idea of seeking wisdom from a woman did not blend with their perspective which had been reinforced for generations and generations. 

Whereas when the old man had instructed, they had not questioned, when the old woman did the same, the village men stopped to consider, comparing her advice with that of the old man. It didn't matter that, had they been able to replay his exact words, her words would have matched verbatim, it was the source not the words that they questioned. Still, as days became weeks, and weeks became months, and months became years, the men's reticence faded. 

And, as the children who witnessed that first day of the old woman under the tree grew to become the men and women who tilled the fields and cooked the meals and raised their own children, the old woman under the tree became accepted as if she had been there all along. 

As time continued to pass, visitors occasionally came to the village, and learning of the old woman under the tree whose guidance instructed every facet of life, and who never seemed to leave the tree, never ate or drank, or slept, they offered their own interpretations of her, suggesting that they had encountered a woman under a tree once before in another village, or that she was most likely a figment of imagination despite seeking her recommendations for themselves.

Many generations passed in this manner. The people of the village were once again prosperous, in that they had ample food for their table, good health, and strong bonds among family and between neighbors. 

And then, just as had occurred in the distant past, the old woman was gone one morning. As had happened before, the men tried to fill the void of her guidance, with little success. But this time, the women, having paid better attention to one of their own, were able to gather their shared knowledge and make the choices and decisions which maintained the village's success, at least as far as they could hide from the men, or allow them to think they were developing the proper conclusions on their own.

As time passed, and no one appeared under the tree, the children no longer played near the tree, and near the old man or old woman who rested beneath it, but began playing in its shade, and resting under its boughs themselves.  The tree became their home away from home, although unlike the old man and woman, they still ate and drank, and slept in their beds. 

In this way, the village began to realize that it was the tree itself that was the source of the old man and old woman's knowledge. As they had gained their wisdom from sitting in its shade, each generation of children experienced an increase of insight. And, as each generation of children who played and rested under the tree became the parents of the next generation of children who played and rested under the tree, and so on, the village became known throughout the land as a place to seek knowledge and understanding and guidance for how to provide ample food for the table, and how to avoid long and lasting disease, and how to live amicably within families and among neighbors. 

But time is a fickle mistress as has been noted by more than one writer. In the case of the village, time had provided a long life for the tree, but the tree was not eternal. Eventually, the tree began to fade. Some say it was merely the natural course of events, some say it was because the villagers spent less and less time under the tree, having concluded that they had absorbed all its knowledge, and could prosper without the tree.  

Regardless, the village did very well for quite some time after the tree withered and died.  Its accumulation of knowledge served both its own inhabitants and those of many neighboring towns and cities. And while it is still doing well, the shine has begun to fade as ego and selfishness have begun to penetrate the root of the realizations that came from the tree. 

Fortunately for everyone, there is news that in a small, remote village on the other side of the world, there is a village that claims that there is an old man sitting cross legged under a tree who never eats or drinks or sleeps but who provides guidance which seems to provide ample food for their table, protection against serious and long lasting disease, and direction on creating good relations among family members and between neighbors.